Here I was again. In a book store, standing beside the table that I had fussed over – making sure that everything was in just the right place. I stood up tall, facing the less than spectacular crowd, and tried to ignore the feeling of doubt washing through me. Thoughts speared my brain. This is stupid. No one wants my book. What am I doing here?
We’ve all been there. Maybe you have done a book signing, maybe you haven’t. I am sure, however, that you have all had similar thoughts and feelings in some situation.
A book signing is honestly one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done. It is soul sucking. There you are, like some kind of jack-ass, telling people as they walk by that they need to buy your book. Yes, I am a local, self-published author that decided to write a book because I had this deep, burning desire within me to tell at story, and you now, some random stranger who was just going about your day, you need my book. It will change your life.
It is absolutely 100% a-okay to celebrate the S!$T out of something you did that you are very happy about.
And, as I am telling you this, I will admit that I just re-learned this lesson again a few days ago. I know – to truly celebrate you can be hard.
I worked for two years writing and producing my first novel. It is infused with things that I am passionate about. 80s heavy metal. Serial killers. Detectives and criminal profiling. And wilderness.
For an entire week leading up to the 80s Heavy Metal Party / Book Launch that I had planned, I was seeping self-doubt and dripping with a feeling that I was a self-indulgent m!#er f%&er. Yes. But – I have a tool box now for when I have these feelings. I rid myself of negative thoughts and replaced them with positive and exciting ones. And I worked on my energy – I tapped into that inner glow, that inner WHAM BAM that people see in me. I let it swell within in, a growing ball of powerful punch, until it was ready for the PARTAY! Thus, I put myself out there now to show you that it is totally OK for you to celebrate you!!!
When the launch day came, I eased into it. All my hard work and planning was done. Everything was in place. I let go. I allowed myself to truly enjoy and be in every moment. And guess what? I celebrated like an 80s rock star!!!
When you completely tap into your inner energy, your true being, things just flow. You know that feeling? No resistance. Just flow. Your energy is good. It vibrates in a warm, happy way that attracts other people.
The last couple of years have been a wild ride as I ventured down the path to writing my first novel, which turned out to be an 80s Heavy Metal Serial Killer Thriller. Yes. When I first starting writing it, characters and scenes materialized within me. And I doubted a lot of it. I thought it was just too weird. I wasn’t sure if I should write this book. It seems funny to recall those thoughts now. A lot has happened between then and now. I met a lot of really cool, interesting, supportive people. And guess what? They’ve made me realize that I am weird – and that’s just fine. The people that were already in my life also supported me every step of the way – both my writing and my weirdness.
So, on this particular day, in all my inner glam demon glory, my energy shone and I floated along my path of to-do items – all in the name of launching a Serial Killer Thriller infused with criminal profiling, ritualistic murder scenes, heavy metal, and everything 80s. Thus, it is fitting that the launch will be a spectacular 80s party. 80s clothes. 80s hair. 80s music. Glam. Rock. Metal. It will be a blast.
As I swirled along on the 80s vortex, my first stop took me to Melodiya Records. This place is COOL. You need to check it out! On the hunt for a couple of cassettes that I still have’t found…I found one of them.
In fact, I might be picking up boxes of my book – the first in a horrifying dark crime series, a day or two ahead of schedule. So, by tomorrow I might be loading down my Subaru and hauling these babies home. Yes. I am terrified but excited!
And that is exactly how I want you to feel when you read it!!