Finding My Flow in the Depths of Soul Sucking Self Promotion

Here I was again. In a book store, standing beside the table that I had fussed over – making sure that everything was in just the right place. I stood up tall, facing the less than spectacular crowd, and tried to ignore the feeling of doubt washing through me. Thoughts speared my brain. This is stupid. No one wants my book. What am I doing here?

We’ve all been there. Maybe you have done a book signing, maybe you haven’t. I am sure, however, that you have all had similar thoughts and feelings in some situation.

A book signing is honestly one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done. It is soul sucking. There you are, like some kind of jack-ass, telling people as they walk by that they need to buy your book. Yes, I am a local, self-published author that decided to write a book because I had this deep, burning desire within me to tell at story, and you now, some random stranger who was just going about your day, you need my book. It will change your life.

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Celebrate You

It is absolutely 100% a-okay to celebrate the S!$T out of something you did that you are very happy about.

And, as I am telling you this, I will admit that I just re-learned this lesson again a few days ago. I know – to truly celebrate you can be hard.

I worked for two years writing and producing my first novel. It is infused with things that I am passionate about. 80s heavy metal. Serial killers. Detectives and criminal profiling. And wilderness.

For an entire week leading up to the 80s Heavy Metal Party / Book Launch that I had planned, I was seeping self-doubt and dripping with a feeling that I was a self-indulgent m!#er f%&er. Yes. But – I have a tool box now for when I have these feelings. I rid myself of negative thoughts and replaced them with positive and exciting ones. And I worked on my energy – I tapped into that inner glow, that inner WHAM BAM that people see in me. I let it swell within in, a growing ball of powerful punch, until it was ready for the PARTAY! Thus, I put myself out there now to show you that it is totally OK for you to celebrate you!!!

When the launch day came, I eased into it. All my hard work and planning was done. Everything was in place. I let go. I allowed myself to truly enjoy and be in every moment. And guess what? I celebrated like an 80s rock star!!!

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Back to the 80s

Remember a time when you had to walk across the street and knock on the door to talk to your friend?

Remember a time when you tied up the only phone line in your house all night, every night, until your parents got you a separate line?

Remember a time when you would pick up the telephone only to hear the crackling noise of the dial up Internet followed by your dad demanding to know who ruined his connection?

Remember a time when you laid in bed at night listening to the top ten at ten on AM radio?

Remember a time when finding the start of your favorite song required a series of skillful button pushes …. rewind, stop, play, stop, fast forward, stop, play, stop, rewind, stop, play, stop, rewind, stop, play…aaaaaah.

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Thrill or Kill?

Why was this so good? C’mon…it’s Halloween!! Grab a handful of cheap, sugary candy from that pumpkin bucket and take a few minutes (well, 13 minutes and 42 seconds) to watch the full video (or shall I say mini-movie?). You can’t tell me you don’t want a creepy blast from the past…and a bit of sugar to put you in that Halloween spirit.

Now that you’re hopped on on sweet chocolate and caramel goo, why was (and still is…) Thriller so good?

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Image from tenor.com

Was it because of Michael’s sheer joy over seeing himself transform into a werewolf in front of the eyes of his sweet, pure girlfriend? I mean, c’mon, he’s clearly enjoying this! Or the incredible transformation, fur, nails, teeth and all? I mean, this was 1982.

tenor
Image from tenor.com

Or was it the perfectly choreographed dance of the dead? These zombies had moves! And, of course, we were all in love with the way that Michael could slide across the dance floor…or the cemetery.

Or was it the fact that this video was 13 minutes and 42 seconds long? In a time when the video format was new, videos were short and full of glam, this one pushed the limits WAY beyond the boundaries. It was LONG. It was SCARY. It was completely different than any other video out there when it was released. Yet, it was a HIT! We all love it.

How about we sum it all up as a chilling, thrilling, mini-movie wrapped up in a video box? We all loved this tiny film. We all watched it over and over. And we also played that LP until it was scratched and jumpy.

Now get out there and scare those kids away so there is more candy for you!

Web

Crunch. Crunch. Harold stepped along the makeshift trail of wood chips in his brand new hiking boots. Joy scanned the tall, tan tree trunks and took a deep breath, letting the scent of the forest infuse her soul. Crackle. Harold’s clean blue boot snapped a small branch in two. His perfect untarnished boots conquered every stone, branch, twig, and any other obstacles with ease as he walked briskly up the trail. Crack. Crunch. Crack. Joy lengthed her stride to keep pace. She looked down at her shabby brown boots caked in old mud. Not as nice as Harold’s. He always got what he wanted.

She had climbed many peaks towing behind Harold. This one was different. They were in a part of the world new to them. This forest was different. A woody smell replaced the scent of citrus she was accustomed it. It was calming, like the sandstone beads on her mantra necklace. She pictured the necklace resting in her hands as she meditated and washed away every bit of irritating Harold.

Her feet sunk into the soft dirt trail. The sunlight seeped through openings in the trees. A glimmer caught her eye. She paused and looked up. Shiny strands of silk stretched tight, forming a hexagonal pattern. A web. Her stomach tingled. No spider. Her heart sank. Patience. It’ll take hours to reach the top.

Harold was way ahead. She skipped along to catch up. The shiny web remained in her mind. A web was such an intricately woven creation. It took time, effort, and skill to create. Just like the web of lies that Harold had woven through the five years of marital bliss she had shared with him. Bastard. Not to worry. Karma’s a bitch.

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